Tag: Virus

Experiencing ‘The Juggle’

I’ve always been a fan of Grazia magazine and their endless campaigns for women’s rights and their community – ‘The Juggle UK’ -was always on my radar and I understood it and I thought I experienced it during maternity leave.

I can expressly say, now that I’m back working full time, both because I have to, because the world is falling apart and we need the money, but also I work full time, because ***MUM GUILT ALERT***, I also want to. Now, only NOW do I really experience, at least my own, circus act. Juggling doesn’t do it justice.

I am a tightrope walker with a basket of laundry blocking my view trying not to fall (I can carry two baskets these days, thank you genetic birthing hips…. Ironically not used for birthing but that’s another story and it seems I found a useful job for them anyway!)

I’m a trapeze artist holding on tightly to both kids while I swing them from nursery to home to friends to activities. I‘m an acrobat when it comes to speed tidying. I’m a clown because I’d rather be stupid and try to make them laugh than just try to ride out the tantrums. I’m 100% an animal trainer – except I think lions would be easier sometimes.

I’m definitely the ring master – and this is not a slight on Lad Dad in any way because he wants to help with everything but there are certain things I cannot release control of – menu planning, feeding the kids, making the weekend plans.

But… when does the circus close? After the kids go to bed, I’m lucky if I can keep my eyes open for two hours, and that can be verified by this sorely neglected blog. Do you know how I even found time to write this? I’m sick. Been slammed by some sort of chesty flu (not Covid!) which I reckon I got because I burn the candle at 8000 ends. I’m writing this in bed with a lemsip (other brands are available). I slept for 3 hours after the kids left this morning. I’m just so drained.

I hope it’s obvious that I would caveat this with the fact I love them deeply, wouldn’t change a thing, yadadada and that’s ALL true. Most the time I like the circus but right now I’m burned out.

I had my review at work the other day and my manager asked me if I think I stretch myself too thin… and I know that the answer to that is yes but how can I not. My kids need me, I like to perform well at my job. There’s no plates I can drop at the moment, except it seems, this creative outlet. So, to mix up my analogies, I guess I keep juggling.

And try not to drop the blog. Because this is mine, and it’s not appropriate for the circus.

Not quite the black death…

I didn’t write a blog last week. Why? We have had a brutal time. BRUTAL. This virus-ridden (not THAT virus) household has been plagued (word intended) with….

  • Hand Foot and Mouth – Jake and Me
  • Impetigo – Jake
  • Conjunctivitis – Lad Dad, Benji but Jake by far the worst (see pic)
  • Vomiting and Diarrohea… Diarohea… Diorrhia…. the shits – Benji and Jake
  • A horrendous and very painful cough that won’t go away? – Benji, Jake and Me (not Covid, I tested!)

This resulted in more pharmacy trips than I can count (pharmacists are awesome but limited on under 2s), one GP appointment which, (and I’m not getting drawn into any further discussion on this sensitive topic), I had to fight for and two trips to Sick Kids, Edinburgh. We have so many creams and drops and ointments I feel like I could open my own chemist.

I will never, ever give my lads Spaghetti Hoops again, I’m not even sure I can look at a can of it again after seeing what it looked and smelled like after regurgitation. I thought it would be gentle on their tummies.

We’ve had to take time off work, or make up hours in the evening after bedtimes, and finding space to just BREATHE has been really hard. Especially as that cough made it hard to actually breathe, and after two kids, required a few crossed legs….

The routine of eye cleaning, cream applying, ointment adding… it seemed endless and was exhausting. The usual 15 minutes to get them ready in the morning was taking 40. We were rushing everywhere and late and work was impacted. We were impacted.

You also feel bad, because you know that even though this feels awful for you, of course there are other parents having it tougher. But when you’re in it, it’s hard to think beyond it.

The whole thing felt so bad at the time, because when you’re in that quick sand, and you’re tired, and you’re overwhelmed and there’s no end in sight… it feels insurmountable and you wonder how you’ll ever cope – but once again you did. Because you have to – when people say you have to take the rough with the smooth, weeks of broken sleeps (that sounds like a song I’m going to need to write now), worry and driving to hospital at night is the rough.

You also miss the Parent Army (previous blog), who normally prop you up during the rough times, because you can’t really see them in case you pass things on. It all felt a bit lonely but at least we had each other.

On the tough parenting days, (not just sickness but in general), my advice to Lad Dad is to always find the joy. Even when Benji is being a total threenager (hate the phrase but it’s a definite thing), he’ll suddenly do a dance or share something with Jake and I catch Lad Dad’s eye and we smile. This is why we signed up and them being sick is just part of that overall shebang.

We’re (hopefully), coming out of it now, and there’s light at the end of the tunnel, and less pink eyes and crustiness everywhere. And less sheet washing.

I promise to write something more positive next time, but honestly, I just needed to get that rant off my chest – hacking cough included.