Now that we are well past the massive development periods that are the first year of a baby’s life, I’ve been reflecting on what those leaps and jumps meant to me and to others.
I have tried very hard to avoid being a competitive parent but I think it’s human nature to COMPARE your kids to other kids of the same age. Who rolls first? Crawls first? Eats well or sleeps well? Why does this matter? (Well, I get the sleep on big style, a tired mumma finds everything that much harder.)
Since having a second child, there’s been a big moment of realisation for me that I wasted a lot of time overthinking all this with Benji – because, brand new information here folks, all kids are different… WHAT!!
Benji was an early talker but one of the last of our friend’s children to walk. However, by 15 months, he had a lot of words and could identify things in that classic ol’ game – ‘where’s your nose/tummy etc. ‘ He loved (and still does) looking at books, puzzles and learning letters and numbers. He prioritised mental development.
Jake, just hitting 15 months, is the complete opposite, he is very physical, he walked early and is adventurous and fearless – he takes my breathe away sometimes with his recklessness. He packs a punch for a baby. If I’m honest, he’s a bit of a thug, I constantly have to watch him around other children and it’s not relaxing (I’m implying other bits of parenting is relaxing, literally nothing about parenting is relaxing). Luckily he’s got a melt your heart smile so he somewhat gets away with it.
However he’s not really saying much yet beyond the dada, mama, bubbles, hello side of things yet.
The thing is? It doesn’t matter to me now – they’re happy, healthy and hitting the official development goals and we are very lucky. I’m taking some credit for this though – bit of nature, bit of nurture.
The thing is, where do we find the balance in the future? I don’t want to be pushy but I want my lads to do well in life, and I want to give them the opportunities to do it. However, I don’t want to drain their joy in a talent by taking them to a million after school and weekend classes until they resent their skill… and probably me.
And I definitely don’t want to be comparing mine with others as they grow up because they are all going to excel and struggle at different things. Lad Dad and I are neither arty or mathsy so this may be their hiccup too – and if one of their friends turns out to be the next Banksy or {insert name of a famous mathematician here, bloody hell, who’s a famous mathematician…. gah!}, I’ll be happy for them and not jealous.
So why did it matter when they were babies? After thinking on this for a while, I realised it was not competitive parenting or comparing parenting or even jealousy… it was fear. Because if they’re not hitting milestones, then you question their health.
Google anything these days, literally anything about your baby, and the most frequent ‘diagnosis’ – from a non doctor obviously – is something that will scare or worry you.
It’s not that I fear having to handle something challenging… it’s that I want the path my children follow to be without struggle and pain. Don’t all parents want their children to meet the least resistance?
I cannot say this enough. Don’t. Read. These. Articles. Look at proper medical websites or speak to Health Visitors if you have concerns about development, and more likely than not, it’s nothing.
The advice I’d give my past self, although I’m a stubborn person so I’d probably tell myself to mind my own business, is not to worry, not to compare this and that and just be supportive and provide what they need in terms of feeling secure. It’s advice I’m going to try to lead with as they grow up but watch this space….
Thanks as always for reading and any comments or feedback welcome.
FIBONACCI of COURSE! Finally thought of one.
Mummy And Her Lads 